Solo Travel
There is an increasing number of people taking the leap to solo travel, whether it be short weekend getaways, months long “digital nomad” journeys, or anywhere in between, the yearning to get out there, see the places, and do the things, on ones own seems to be getting greater.
The notion of “soul-o” travel, or travel to “find” oneself is not necessarily new, but does seem to be reaching far beyond 18 year olds backpacking through Europe on a gap year before committing to higher education and subsequent life chained to a desk. Many people are breaking those desk chains, (or relationship chains, or home ownership/rent chains, or just breaking free of fear and hesitation of going it alone) and taking off to see the world, at all stages of life.
While many have an opportunity to work and travel simultaneously these days, there are many who are just realizing life is progressing, travel buddies and/or partners are proving unavailable or unreliable, and waiting gets you nowhere.
So whether you are embarking on a solo weekend, a week long getaway, a month driving cross country, or a year playing it by ear going place to place, here is some tried and true approaches and advice for solo travel.
Primarily focused on female solo travel, since that is my personal experience, and I am not naïve to the fact that there are nuances and issues we face that our roaming male counterparts may not.
You can!
It seems like the biggest thing holding most people back from solo travel is fear or hesitation about simply being able to do it, whether that fear is internal or coming from outside influences; it can be overwhelming and can really hold you back from finding out just what you are capable of.
If you are considering solo travel, there is a good chance that you do most of life solo. As a usually-mostly-single, childless adult, I do most things on my own. I maintain my own home, I get myself to and from work (so it is in my living room, but you get it), I manage my own finances (though that is usually “managing” to impulse purchase plane tickets and ordering Seamless...it is still managing), and I keep myself happy, healthy (enough) and alive on a daily basis, so why would I not be able to do so somewhere else?
I once saw a women waiting for a Greyhound bus going in to a full on panic and asking the station manager who had JUST made a clear announcement as to next steps... what the next steps were. He was clearly frustrated and she said “I have never taken the bus before, this is new to me!” and I looked at her and said “Ma’am, have you ever had to pay attention, follow signs and instructions?” She looked at me baffled and said “Of course I have!” and I said, “Then you have done this before. That is all this is; pay attention, follow signs and directions. This is not new.”
And that is it: that is the big secret unveiled, the key to all the solo travel doors: You have done this all before, this is not new, just keep doing what are doing - just somewhere else. With a little planning, just pay attention, follow signs and directions, and you will be just fine.
Start Small
Just like anything else, a little practice can make anything easier. If your goal is to take a big trip, no matter what that may look like for you, but you are unsure about going it alone; do a trial run close to home, and/or for a weekend, and/or somewhere on a smaller budget to see how you feel navigating a new place, sitting in a restaurant alone, sightseeing alone.
Taking the time to plan even a small getaway gives you a trial run of planning and booking transportation, accommodations, activities, meals, etc for yourself. This is also a great and safe way to make mistakes to learn from.
My first truly solo trip was to Charleston, South Carolina. I was on a pretty tight budget, and though I had planned group trips before, I had never planned a trip where everything was solely on me. I booked a hotel room that was more on par with my budget, but ended up being a bit isolated from the city center as there was no public transportation and it wasn’t walkable.
I ended up paying as much in Uber fares as it would have cost to stay closer to the city center and be able to walk everywhere. This also limited my ability to be spontaneous or just pop out for something to eat or explore, since getting anywhere was a bit of a chore and expensive. Now, this seems very common knowledge, but 12 years ago it was very much a live-it, learn it moment.
If you have friend, group, or partner travel planned, you can also take a day or few hours to go on a solo adventure, walk, tour, etc. You can also test the solo-waters by adding a solo day or two to go alone.
If getting away for a trial-trip isn’t in the cards, or budget, take yourself out to dinner or a movie, go to a local museum, concert, event, or attraction. Depending on where you live, you can also take a day tour and be a tourist in your own city.
This will give you a feel of how you navigate new surroundings, being alone in a crowd, and how you enjoy your own company. Just remember, you have done this before, this is not new, it is just somewhere different.
This may also help you gauge what type of trip you want to take. If you get lonely easily or do better with a more structured schedule, or aren’t up for doing all the planning yourself; a scheduled group tour may be a better plan for you.
If you enjoy the planning process, a more flexible schedule, and a broader mix of activities and down time; a self-made and guided itinerary may be a better option for you.
If you want to avoid the majority of the planning, or want the option for excursions without obligation, all-inclusive or cruise may be the route to take.
Making it Happen
This seems to be one of the biggest struggles for people new to solo travel, and even those that have done it several times. The question of “where to even start” when there is no one else to bounce ideas off of, split costs, and generally plan with can be really overwhelming.
The joy of solo travel is that you can start wherever you want! Most people will say you need to start with a budget, which is sound advice, but if you have a dream trip you want to take and there are specific things YOU want to see and do, do some research and gauge what a budget will entail and then start saving! Having the motivation of a goal will add to the excitement as you plan and reach that goal.
If you are open to anywhere, or have a general region you want to visit; start with your budget and work from there. Take a look at your dollars, then head to Skyscanner or Google flights and start looking for what fits your budget and interests. Once you see something that piques your interest, look for accommodations, daily cost of visiting, and safety ratings.
Whether you are heading to your dream destination or exploring somewhere more random, consider your every day comfort level with things like accommodations, food, socialization, navigating, etc. This should help guide your decision making with planning travel - if you like peace and quiet and luxury, a hostel may not be for you. Reversely, if you love being part of a social scene and mingling with others and are more open with sharing spaces, a hostel could be a great option; the key is knowing there are options to fit both your comfort and your budget.
Managing itineraries and bookings solo can also be a bit overwhelming. I have seen some really great ideas for organizing them: apps like tripit and Wanderlog, creating a travel documents specific email address and forwarding all your confirmations and itineraries to it, using Google Maps to create lists with locations, organizing in a google document or excel sheet. An additional benefit to using electronic itineraries all in one place is that they can be accessed from almost anywhere in the (unfortunate and unlikely) event your phone is lost or broken.
Other apps like Travelspend, Trail Wallet, and Tripcoin are also great ways to manage your budget and track spending along the way.
Table for One
After safety (and how to self-apply sunscreen to your own back), one of the biggest concerns I see arise when women are considering traveling solo is going out to eat alone. This concern is valid - as it can be really awkward and cause some people to feel self conscious. With a little practice, in my experience, it can easily turn to feelings of empowerment and being emboldened.
Some advice/suggestions for those dreaded (and hopefully, eventually, dreamy dinner dates with yourself)
Sit at the bar - whenever possible. Bartenders are used to singletons and are usually much more attentive and chatty than table service. Bartenders also have the best recommendations and tips and tricks for wherever you are visiting. You are also much more likely to strike up conversation with other patrons who are sitting at the bar.
Make a reservation - this makes it feel more like a treat to yourself. It can also assist in avoiding walking in and asking for a “table for 1” if that is something you aren’t yet comfortable with.
Boldly and confidently ask for a table for one - or “just me!” when asked how many in your party.
Bring a book, a map, or your phone to plan your next adventure, edit pics, or chat with friends if you are still working on overcoming awkward feelings.
Date yourself - don’t skip out on “fancy” or sit down restaurants just because you are solo. Plan a night out with yourself, get dressed, put on a little make up (if that is your thing) and take yourself for a great meal.
Some of the best meals I have ever had were with myself. As much as I love sharing a meal with friends or a date, I have come to love the experience and appreciate the opportunity to focus on an incredible meal without distraction. I have also had some really incredible service as a solo diner and had the opportunity to chat with other travelers and locals, that I may have missed out on had I been in other company.
Strike a Pose
When it comes to solo travel, right up there with “how to eat alone” and “how to not die”, is “how will I get all those great vacation pics?”.
There are a few simple solutions to this:
Get a tripod and confidently snap those photos of your amazing self
Selfie stick it
Hire a photographer (airbnb experience and social media are great places to find, and support, local photographers)
Ask a stranger (this is my preferred method)
I either ask another solo traveler (we are everywhere) or a couple; there is always one photographer in a couple… same with any group of women, especially 20 something women, but they will likely try to direct an entire photo shoot, so be prepared (or thankful).
*Pro tip: ask someone who has a real camera. Even though they are likely using your phone, if they have a real camera, they probable know how to take real photos.
The “ask a stranger” method can also work by offering to take a photo for someone else, as they will likely then offer to take some photos for you, and have already handed you their phone, so there is a level of trust to handing them yours.
Trusting strangers with documenting your travels can go in many directions. You can end up with some beautiful photos taken by a dad in the Algarve after taking photos of him and his family. When he chuckles and says “my wife trained me well”, he is not kidding; hitting all the angles and lighting.
You may also end up with some of the most memorable photos when two Italian women on a “girlie holiday” ask you to take photos for them on a bridge in Rome and then offer to take photos for you. They may take an entire photo shoot, then ask you to make sure they did a good job and review the photos right then and there. You may compliment the photographer on her very long, very red nails at the exact time her friend notices said nails are in EVERY photo, and then you all just might have the best laugh of the entire trip.
Solo Safety
This is one of the most discussed issues, and biggest concerns, when solo travel comes up.
There are many schools of thought and approaches here, from extreme precautions and measures to “if I die, I die”. I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle. No matter where you fall on the safety spectrum, the most important thing is that you do what makes you feel the most safe and secure, without distracting from using universal precaution and common sense.
Some interesting safety suggestions I have seen:
Wear a fake wedding ring so men leave you alone and/or people assume you are traveling with your spouse
But then how will I meet my 90 day fiancé? (Seriously, I am definitely not trying to deter potential suitors)
Don’t leave anything in your hostel/hotel/airbnb, carry it all in a slash proof/theft proof/bunker purse/backpack
Can’t someone just steal the whole bag?
Don’t tell anyone you are traveling alone
…. but, I am, and if I say I am meeting people and they never show up…
Don’t talk to anyone, avoid strangers, or only talk to other women.
… isn’t everyone a stranger? Am I supposed to remain mute for the entirety of a trip? Can’t women also be dangerous? I happen to like men…
Push all of furniture in your hotel/airbnb in front of the door so no one can break in in the night
… fire hazard…
Research local attire and trends and dress “like the locals” to blend in so as not to stick out as a tourist
… I am… a tourist. (also, as I New Yorker, I can tell you: the harder you try to blend in … the more you stand out)
Of course, if ANY of these make you feel safer and more secure, by all means, do them! (except the fire/evacuation hazard, please).
Some general safety practices that I utilize traveling anywhere in the world:
Prior to leaving, I give my itinerary with flights and addresses to a friend
Always have a data plan so never without directions, the ability to call an uber/cab, and am always able to make phone calls
Limit connecting to public/non-secure wifi services whenever possible
Never carry “all” of anything. Never both IDs (license and passport), or all my cash, or all my credit cards. Just like at home, I carry what I need for the day and the remainder stays safely behind.
Have digital copies of passport, tickets, itinerary, and if traveling overseas the location of the US embassy, in a Google Doc folder that can be accessed anywhere. A friend at home also has copies.
Have transit apps downloaded prior to arrival and some familiarity with the local transit system as well as what ride share/taxi options are available
While I understand the idea behind not letting people know you are traveling alone, I do often. I am confident in discussing this and am clear I am well traveled. I, personally, think this makes me less of a potential victim then trying to lie about being with others.
Practicing universal precautions goes a long way
Being aware of your surroundings, keeping belongings close and secure, locking the door, etc
Only bring as much luggage as I can manage on my own
Struggling with luggage can lower your awareness and be a distraction, especially in crowded areas like trains, airports, or crowded streets.
A friend always has my live location
While this isn’t going to stop something bad from happening, it can be helpful if something does.
If/when I go out with other people, I send as much information about them to a friend as I can.
I always send a text to a designated friend in the morning, sometimes just a thumbs up emoji so she knows I am safe.
A very trusted friend also holds some emergency money for me
In the event of an emergency, loss/theft of funds, flight cancellation that requires additional accommodations or booking a new flight, she can wire or Venmo me money so I am not stuck anywhere.
No matter what safety precautions you practice, the most important is the simplest: don’t be dumb. Sounds simple, but it can really make a difference between someone swiping a phone left out on a table, or stealing a pocketbook containing all your credit cards, cash, and forms of ID, or getting lost in an unfamiliar area.
Your best anti-theft, anti-kidnapping, anti-bad-stuff-happening is common sense, a little practicality, and being confident in your abilities and what works best for you.
And Finally: Give yourself grace
Something I have struggled with, especially with solo travel, is feeling like I am not “doing enough” if I am not packing my days with activities, sightseeing, trying a new restaurant, hitting up a bar, etc. At times, I felt guilty for sleeping in and potentially “missing” something or “wasting” time. I felt the same if I wanted to stay in and read a book with a glass of wine (or tequila, depending on geographical location).
Your experience, is your experience and if that means taking time to simply relax and be in your own company; do that. I found this is not only important on long trips, but also shorter trips where the urge to do EVERY THING a place has to offer within your stay can be strong.
When giving yourself grace, also recognize you are probably going to feel like you made a mistake or messed up sometimes. Without someone else to help plan, make decisions, bounce ideas off of, trouble shoot, and all the other things that are great about having a partner or travel buddy with you, it is easy to become frustrated with yourself or beat yourself up when things don’t go smoothly.
Here is a fun example (fun now that it is over and I am not crying in a random hallway at midnight and not murdered):
I booked a random trip to Bucharest, Romania while I was in Lisbon. I knew nothing about Bucharest, other than it was very affordable and my friend said it was amazing and that I would love it. I booked a well rated Airbnb in a well rated neighborhood.
I landed late and took an Uber to the Airbnb. Shortly after getting in the Uber, the driver double checked the address and, laughing, said “You know you put the whole address in? Like the apartment number and everything?”. Well, shit, I DIDN’T know that I had done that (so much for “don’t be dumb”), obviously, but in my exhaustion I wasn’t paying attention and copy/pasted the entire address from the listing in to Uber. Rookie Mistake.
I made sure to say that my friend wouldn’t be thrilled I gave his whole address to a stranger, and the Uber driver promised not to come kill me (reassuring…) and made a show of deleting the address.
Okay, so potential murder victim aside, I get dropped off relatively close to the building, which is not exactly in a well-lit, warm and fuzzy neighborhood… but, I quickly reminded myself I am from the Bronx and Romania isn’t exactly known for sunshine and rainbows. I get in to the building, find the apartment, check the code sent to me by the host, put in the lock box, so relieved to finally get inside to take a shower and get to sleep and… nothing. Box does not open. Triple check and enter the code and it is still not opening. I message the host… nothing (it was well passed midnight at this point) and I start feeling the tired/frustrated/why-am-I-here/what-am-I-doing/I-am-going-to-have-to-sleep-on-a-park-bench-in-ROMANIA tears coming, then… I realized I was at the WRONG APARTMENT.
I was one floor below where I needed to be and gauged the apartment number by the doors next to it, as there was no number on the door I was sure was my Airbnb.
I laugh/cried my way in to the adorable, wonderful apartment and thought how lucky I was no one was home down stairs hearing my attempted break in. I had, after all, just given my whole address to a stranger and tempting fate further didn’t seem in my favor. I had a good cry in the shower, let the frustration and self doubt go, and gave myself grace.
Not everything is going to go according to plan, things may get frustrating, lonely, or hard, no matter how seasoned a traveler you are. Recognizing that and not letting it consume you and your trip, will make all the difference.
Enjoy the journey and let yourself experience all the wonders of solo traveling. As a final warning; you will most likely fall in love with solo travel, learn more about yourself and your abilities then you ever thought possible, and already be planning your next adventure before the first is over.
