Tonight it happened.

I felt awkward.

I had a whole moment.

I am very confident solo traveler and actually enjoy eating out by myself.

I love a good table for one and have had overall really great and accomodating service.

I love to sit at a bar, a cute window counter, corner table tucked away a bit, or that perfect two top with a booth against the wall where I can watch people because ether is no one across from me to obstruct my view.

Tonight, after a very long day of work, I made a reservation for 1 at a place I have been looking forward to trying. Time was tight and I was in a mood, so I didn’t bother with make up, my hair was … I dunno even know, and my outfit was pretty much jeans and a bathrobe (okay, maxi cardigan, but same thing).

I walked, uphill, then up another hill, up 712 stairs, and another hill (Lisbon is no joke) so by the time

I got there I was a mess with a side of mess.

I was greeted by the sweetest waitress and told her it was just me and my name, she smiled and checked the reservations… as she did so, I looked around:

Those cute 2 tops with the bench along the wall? Full.

The cute corner table? Taken.

The other 3 two tops? Occupied.

“Right this way” said the sweet waitress and she lead me to the 4 top right in the MIDDLE of the small dining room.

As she cleared away the 3 other settings, I felt like a bloated clown fish at the aquarium… all eyes on me.

I let myself get the best of myself and the self doubt crept in. I felt awkward and insecure.

Then I looked around: not one person was looking at me. Not one. (Okay, well no one was until I was staring at him… oops.)

I took a deep breath, let the smell of Tikka and curry take me back to my purpose and opened the menu.

A friend gave me a quick “pep talk”

I had a beautiful meal, chatted with the table next to me and shared some local recommendations. I caught up with some friends in a group chat and laughed at texts no one else could see.

In that moment, I thought of all the amazing food I would have missed out on had I let the fear and self doubt stop me from enjoying my own company.