Bathing Suit Shopping… Abroad

Come along with me, if you will, on an epic journey filled with twists and turns and highs and lows. A whirlwind of emotions; laughs, defeats, near wins, many losses, and finally… a victory.

Where are we headed, you may ask? To find a plus size bathing suit... in Portugal… on a budget.

Let’s start at the beginning.

It was a cold January night in my friend’s basement (my refuge between long haul trips) and we were polishing off a bottle of wine while I packed my carry on and backpack to take off for the next 7-12 months. We were laughing and crying, and she was declaring her amazement of my minimalist packing skills.

I carefully and meticulously packed for multiple climates, including tons of beach time over the summer.

Being minimal, I packed 2 bathing suits to assure I always had a dry one and at least 2 options.

Or did I?

This was the question I posed myself as I was heading back to Portugal for the month of June. I had left a small bag of summer clothes with a friend here and was questioning if I had packed a second bathing suit.

Nope.

Well, shit. But, no worries! I am prepared for this!

I logged in to ASOS, went straight to the sale section and found 2 super cute plus size options.

Crisis averted! Delivery estimated in 4-5 days. Look at meeee! Savvy.

Cue the Portuguese mail system: haha.

5 days pass, 7 days pass….

I reach out to ASOS. They assure me my package was given to the shipper and should be in transit soon.

If you are unfamiliar with Portugal-time, “soon” is relative.

So, I start the daunting task of trying to find a bathing suit to fit my super tall, no butt, big belly, G boobs body… on a budget… in a …. <cue horror sound track> store.

I go to the mall, take a deep breath, give myself a pep talk and dive in head first (like I am hoping to do in the ocean in a new bathing suit).

To my shock, the first store I go in to has some “extended” size swimsuits!! I tried a couple on and while they technically fit, I was not comfortable in them. Not enough to spend the money on them to not feel good enough in them.

Okay, okay, at least this gives me hope!

I head to a couple of other stores and strike out on finding anything that fits well and is in my moderate budget.

I found a cute cut out one piece I LOVED, but at €80, I just couldn't pull the trigger immediately.

I decided to give ASOS another couple of days and would go back for the pricy suit if all else failed.

One day passes, two days, three days, four days…

By now, I have the wankiest and most ridiculous tan lines from my one and only, single strap, lace up back bathing suit that looks like a tattoo design up my back.

But! Hark the Herold Angels sing! Instagram alerts me there is a Shein pop up store in Lisbon!

I set my morals and ethics aside and take my desperation down to the pop up in hopes there is at least one or two plus size bathing suit options.

And there WAS! One… single… option. A bikini, in a print I wouldn’t pick but didn’t hate! We are looking promising! I hold it up and turn the bottoms over, and over again… and… again.

There is no possible way on this earth even HALF of my lady bits are fitting in that crotch thong.

Okay… Okay…

I have lost some weight and there MIGHT be hope of squeezing in to an XL one piece if the kid that made it messed up enough.

I found an XL one piece that actually looked like it might get over this belly and at least cover my nipples.

I walked into the dressing room with a prayer. Disrobed. Stepped into the suit and slowly started pulling it on. I went passed my non-butt-butt and no-hip-hips and shockingly kept going up my mid section AND over my boobs!! I put the straps on… I was IN!

Feeling victorious in a perfect, simple black, high cut, one piece, I turned to look in the mirror.

My ENTIRE right boob was hanging out the side.

I quit.

I’ll just get a birkini in the small town in Turkiye I am heading to next.

Fast forward to this morning.

I go to Lidl to grab a couple of things and some sunscreen and what is in the aisle? PLUS SIZE BATHING SUITS.

In LIDL. Yes, Lidl, like Aldi… the grocery store.

Not just one bathing suit: one pieces, bikinis, and tankinis. Up to a size 56!

Is red my ideal color? Nope. But am I okay with it? Yup!

Is there a simple, cross front, one piece bathing suit in my size for €10 that will hold me over until a friend comes with a bathing suit next month: YES!

Silly me, why didn’t I think to check the GROCERY STORE in the first place…